Always jokes
Never trust stairs, they're always up to something.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
I always park in handicapped spaces at the hospital.
Just to test their patients.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple always gets picked.
Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.
The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...
Always trust strangers
Why do people always tell actors to break a leg?
Because every play has a cast.
How does the cheetah do in every race?
It’s always a cheetah.
What did the calculator say to the student?
You can always count on me.
Why can’t an orphan have a dog? It always runs away.
9/11 jokes aren’t funny.
They always crash and burn.
Bee Jokes:
"Hello."
"Oh, hello, Buzzy!"
"Why are ya calling me Buzzy this whole time?"
"Because you BEE BUZZing!" (Laughs)
"It's not funny! Jokes are the worst, although I hate those Bee Jokes!"
"Chillax bro. Don't BEE a hater of jokes, dude!" (Laughs)
"Aagh! You always had a choice, but I will sting ya face!"
"No! You BEE like pollen to make HONEY-moon." (Laughs)
"Stoooop!! I'm outta here, your worst fan."
"Fan?"
"Yes, your worst fan!"
"No! Fan!"
"What?! Aaaaaauuuuggghhhh!!!"
"Ohhh! Buzzy's looking BEE-wind!" (Laughs)
Why did Helen Keller have no ornaments on her Christmas tree?
'Cause she always dropped them.
This is a lot like anal sex.
You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.
The man says, "Will you move your dog?"
The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.
The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"
There was this Down syndrome boy that always wanted to be a cop, and he did. He pulled someone over and said, "Know why I pulled you over?"
The guy replied, "Because I was speeding?"
He said, "No, because you're black."
Why do cheetahs never get an A+ on a test? They always cheetah!
Why are orphans always sad?
Because their parents aren't there to cheer them up.