Always jokes

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.

Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.

... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.

Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.

Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.

Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.

A fake name and a fake phone number.

Why do shepherds never learn to count?

Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.

Why did the lion always lose at poker?

He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.