Always jokes
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!
Why are mountains always tired? Because they don't Everest.
Friend: My girls are like boomerangs; they always come back.
Me: Mine DON'T :(
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
What fruit always feels depressed?
A blueberry.
I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.
9/11 jokes aren’t funny.
They always crash and burn.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.
Why do orphans always get picked on?
They can't run and tell their parents.
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
Why didn’t the girl like stairs?
They were always up to something.
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.
What did the American say to the Russian?
"Why are you always Russian?"
Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.
Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.