Allowance Jokes

Why aren’t short people allowed to be mentors? Because you can’t look up to them

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Grandpa said no phone near the table so I said your not allowed near the school

One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma. Why is that man in a box?" and she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "WHAT KIND OF BOX DID HE LIVE IN BEFORE?! HOW IS THIS BOX BETTER THAN THE LAST ONE?! IT'S JUST A BOX!" And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

why are orphans not allowed in stores?because else they would actually feel at home

What chips are you not allowed to give to orphans

Family size

Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly? Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Why do Arabs hate chess? Because the queen is allowed to move freely.

Why do so many kids die in school shootings ? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors

My teacher says no phones allowed I say my phone‘s allowed because I’m nobody Dania

Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?

The owners know that forces cum in pears

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

At least he got D.L.A. Disability Living Allowance so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.

A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left. The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?” The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”