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Grandpa: you can’t have phones within 15 feet of the table Me: and you aren’t allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school

Can I branch out to some tree puns. Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on

Where are you not allowed to go trick or treating as a ghost? Harlem, New York.

Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen…to clean the rest of the house

Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".

One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.

Yo mama so hairy that when she go the hair solon they say no pets allow

Chuck Norris: " Chuck Norris doesn’t fight, he just allows you to lose" Me: “How come did you lose return of the dragon?”

A nun went to the pub and ordered a gin the bartender said to her I thought nuns weren’t allowed to drink and she said not usually but I am doing the bishop a favour the bartender then asked if she was coming to the music evening and she said no I am with the bishop tonight.