Allowance jokes
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
My teacher says no phones allowed. I say my phone is allowed because I’m nobody, Dania.
Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?
The owners know that forces come in pears.
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
Why aren’t Indian Pakistanis allowed in the World Cup of baseball?
Every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.
Why is Technoblade allowed to make jokes about orphans?
'Cause he's dead like their parents!
Why was the Cheetah not allowed to do tests?
Because it always cheated.
Why was Stephen Hawking never trusted when taking a quiz?
"No computers allowed on the test!"
Isn't it sad that orphans are only allowed self raising flour? Orphan-👁👄👁
Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!
What's the difference between a flower and an orphan?
One is allowed in the house.
Why should a feminist never be allowed to join the UAW United Auto Workers?
Because the only thing that a feminist will do in the UAW United Auto Workers, is eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom and she will only pay her membership dues, if she is allowed to eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom.
Chuck Norris: "Chuck Norris doesn't fight, he just allows you to lose."
Me: "How come did you lose Return of the Dragon?"
Okay, when I leave for ONE DAY something happens like people being sexist and men saying that women are weak (Which is Not True), AND rape. I hate hearing and really saying the word. Just stop with all this nonsense. I say rape and sexist and woman assault jokes should not be allowed. They are too cruel and mean to women. Most men are weaker than women. So don't anyone make anymore things or "jokes" about rape. Women are strong and don't be mean to them.
Sincerely, watersharky (How did I not misspell????)
What gun isn’t allowed in Africa?
A water gun.
Yo mama is SO FAT... SO FUCKING FAT... That when she went on the bus, she wasn't allowed in. She asked why, and the driver pointed to the sign "Weight capacity of 50 people". The bus was empty.
She got mad and ate the bus!
When you went to an ugly competition, the judges said, "No professionals allowed."
What type of movies are orphans not allowed to watch?
PG movies.
The orphan had to earn money because he/she didn't have parents to give him/her an allowance.