Alcohol jokes

A nun went to the pub and ordered a gin. The bartender said to her, "I thought nuns weren’t allowed to drink?" and she said, "Not usually, but I am doing the bishop a favor."

The bartender then asked if she was coming to the music evening, and she said, "No, I am with the bishop tonight."

Someone goes into a bar and asks for a blow job. The barman goes, "Me too." But then the guy goes, "I meant the drink."

I once went to the bar for a pint, but the strippers there didn't have that much breast milk.

What do gay girls order in a bar?

Pussy juice.

A time traveler walks into a bar.

He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.

A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...

Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”

A drunk guy runs into a bar... He bangs his head and falls down, why?

Because he is in a prison cell.

I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.

I'll let you decide.

Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff?

Tequila.

A man walks into a bar and orders a stiff drink. I gave him a glass of ice.

Mom, I’m pregnant.

Are you drunk? Why? Because you’re boy.

So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.

The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"

George Floyd: 3 years sober, drug and alcohol free.

I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.

I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.

What's the difference between a club and a bar?

I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks...

My mom walks in a bar and the bartender says "water?" saying "we only sell beer!"

Pick up line for girls with the last name "Berg":

"I may be a tall glass of whiskey, but I'm nothing without a few ice Bergs."

Aj died in a bar.

The end.