Alcohol jokes
Mom, I’m pregnant.
Are you drunk? Why? Because you’re boy.
Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.
I'll let you decide.
I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.
I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks...
My mom walks in a bar and the bartender says "water?" saying "we only sell beer!"
Pick up line for girls with the last name "Berg":
"I may be a tall glass of whiskey, but I'm nothing without a few ice Bergs."
Aj died in a bar.
The end.
A man walks into a bar and then out.
If 6 guys are in a room with each other, is it technically a 6-pack?
My wife and I went to the bar to get a drink, but 2 mins later, I see her dead on the ground. I guess she couldn't see the bottle flying at her face. Then I laughed and went home.
How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.
Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a drink and a mop.
“Huh, I wonder why he needs a mop?”
My dick wants to buy you a beer. 🍺
How can you tell when a female became a rape victim? She crossed herself out, hanging by with a Carlton dry.
Two men walk into a bar, and they both hit their heads.
He asked for a shot of beer?
He got shot and killed.
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.
Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.
Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?
Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?
Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.
Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.
Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.
(5 seconds later)
Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!