Alcohol jokes
I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.
I'll let you decide.
So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.
The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"
A man walks into a bar and orders a stiff drink. I gave him a glass of ice.
Mom, I’m pregnant.
Are you drunk? Why? Because you’re boy.
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks...
My mom walks in a bar and the bartender says "water?" saying "we only sell beer!"
Pick up line for girls with the last name "Berg":
"I may be a tall glass of whiskey, but I'm nothing without a few ice Bergs."
Aj died in a bar.
The end.
My wife and I went to the bar to get a drink, but 2 mins later, I see her dead on the ground. I guess she couldn't see the bottle flying at her face. Then I laughed and went home.
A man walks into a bar and then out.
If 6 guys are in a room with each other, is it technically a 6-pack?
How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.
Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.
How can you tell when a female became a rape victim? She crossed herself out, hanging by with a Carlton dry.
My dick wants to buy you a beer. 🍺
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a drink and a mop.
“Huh, I wonder why he needs a mop?”
Two men walk into a bar, and they both hit their heads.
He asked for a shot of beer?
He got shot and killed.
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.
Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.
Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?
Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?
Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.
Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.
Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.
(5 seconds later)
Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!