So one day, I took a trip to Russia, and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any body guards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days. After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I had said yes, and the officer said god help us. So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent, and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said. I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy. He said we did, and that we were extremely drunk.
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.
The difference between women and beer is that beer makes you happy for nothing why women make you angry for nothing
Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?
A NASA scientist is sitting in a bar when a Martian walks in and orders a martini.
The NASA scientist quickly realizes he is dreaming and wakes up. He turns to his wife and tries to explain the dream, but she rolls over and ignores him because she is tired of listening to him.
The NASA scientist begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. lmao.
Jack and Jill went up the hill. They turned to drunks and have no will. Jill said to Jack, "Your love reveal, then think of building me a still."
an irishman walks into a pub
aaron and ben meet on grinder [they have a drink and have sex they wake up in the morning in bed aaron says im so glad i got it out ben relys what oh just the HIV
My wife said she wanted to leave me she said it’s because of the abuse but really she’s the one abusing herself by drinking alcohol and got positioning the next day this shows almost half of the woman’s population is weak both physical and mentally
you know why hitler wouldn’t drink whisky? because it made him angry.
a redneck and a black man walk into a bar and order a drink
A nun went to the pub and ordered a gin the bartender said to her I thought nuns weren’t allowed to drink and she said not usually but I am doing the bishop a favour the bartender then asked if she was coming to the music evening and she said no I am with the bishop tonight.
I once went to the bar for a pint, but the strippers their didn't have that much breast milk.
what do gay girls order in a bar
pussy juice
A time traveler walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals or cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth. I'll let u decide
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
Aj died in a bar
The end
well i was gonna make a joke about drunk people but that would be good for the health
