Again jokes

Pedophile

  • Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."

    The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."

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  • Gun

  • I’m posting this again cuz I can and cuz it got thumbs downs and cuz I’m bored. Stop being sensitive snowflakes and get a sense of humor. Geez.

    What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A water gun.

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  • Wife

  • Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.

    Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!

    Wife: Kid?

    Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?

    Phone

  • The first time you have a new phone, you have a different one. You can change your phone to a new phone, but it doesn’t change the phone, it’s just different. I think it will work. I just think it would look good, and then it would work, but you don’t know if it’s the right thing for the new one. You just know it’s the wrong. It’s a bad phone. It’s a new thing. It’s the same for different every day, but it doesn’t look, and I think so it’s not a good, but it works, so it’s different, so it’s different for the new phone, and it doesn’t have to work on it. It doesn’t matter to the same for you know it’s just the one but it doesn’t have the one that I can do a lot better and I can just use my new one, but it is not that the new iPhone, so you have the one that’s the other is that I have the same thing and it’s the same phone, but I have to get the new iPhone. I just want it and then you have a good and it’s a different number so it’s just like so it’s just one, but you know it’s not like I have the new iPhone so you know it’s just one so it’s a little more than just the one and it will get the new phone so it’s just easier and cheaper for the money but it won’t cost much more to pay off your car than to get the phone for the next two weeks weeks or even two years to to have the car car fixed so it’s easier and quicker and I will be happy I’m happy happy I’m so excited excited thank y all and I will talk soon and have you have an update as to the results soon thank ya again so far hope all goes all are good hope to be in your class today love and have you been in your dreams hope all your day too bye.

    War

  • In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

    Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

    "Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.

    His father pointed at a map of North America.

    "Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.

    The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.

    "And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"

    The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.

    "Where is Germany again, Father?"

    He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.

    Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."

    "Yes?"

    "Has Hitler seen this map?"

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  • Tree

  • Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.

    Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.

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  • Rape

  • My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?

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  • Movie

  • Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?

    Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.

    Mom: Can you hear them?

    Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.

    Mom: Why do you think that?

    Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.

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  • Wheelchair

  • A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

    He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.

    The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

    On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"

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  • Beer

  • What did the beer can say to the other? "Open me, please!"

    What did the coconut say to the other? "Crack!"

    Why did the jalapeño cross the road? I got spicy!

    Why did the hubcap cross the road? Crack!

    Why jazz, Jr. Get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!

    What did the tornado cross the road? Let’s spin again!

    Why did the turkey get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!

    What did the bunny get to the side of the road? Get furry!

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  • Suicide

  • This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.

    Priest

  • One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.

    In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"

    The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."

    In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"

    The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."

    In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"

    The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."

    Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"

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