Aed jokes
Why do orphans never get a car?
Because their parents need to buy them one.
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
Hey Gwen, listen, I know you're on this app, fake or not. I love you either way. Please find this faker and finish her off for what she's done, real Gwen.
*You're a real best Gwen*
Are you a plane? Because I wanna be in control of you for a few hours.
What do you say to a crippled man getting bullied?
"Why not you stand up for yourself?"
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
When the C.I.A. raided Osama Bin Laden’s house, they found Steam on his computer. This means he was a gamer. He raged a little too hard and went for New York.
Your forehead is like a line, it just keeps going.
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
Last night I had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn't reel!
Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.
What does a blind man and your dick have in common?
They both can’t get up without a dog.
I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!