Aed jokes
What's a Fortnite player's favorite era? The 90s!
Jack and Jill went up the hill. They turned to drunks and have no will. Jill said to Jack, "Your love reveal, then think of building me a still."
You know a baby bottle looks kinda like a penis... Also sausage and hotdogs too.
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
I bought an anti-bullying wristband. I say I bought it; I stole it off a fat ginger kid.
She was only a potato chip manufacturer's daughter--but she was Frito-Lay!
Me playing a game...
What did God just stop? Are hearts cause we didn't kill each other.
Like if that was good.
One time in the butt. Two times in the butt. Three times in the butt makes a slut hot and wet.
What do you get when you cross a Cuban and corrupt dictator, Fidel Castro?
What do you call a lazy potato chip? Lays!
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"
Someone asked me, "How would you like your steak cooked?"
I said, "On a stove!"
What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?
A blender.
What's the best way to get them out?
A blender.
There was this guy who asked a girl how much her hand jobs are. "$25k." How much are your blowjobs? "$50k." How much do you charge to have sex on the street? REPLY: "I would if I had a pussy."
Q. Why can't Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
A. He can't get his wheelchair up the stairs.
There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.
Two mums hook up!
Their daughter comes in the room and says, "Which one's the baby daddy?"
The "mum" points to the woman who was actually a man!
Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.
I did a ton of work today, a skele-ton.
What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.