Aed jokes
Your mom's like a candy machine; she pops out for anybody.
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
Kid: Dad, what happened to the kidnapper?
Dad: He had a nap.
Kid: Where is he now?
Dad: HELL!
What do you call a broccoli 🥦 when it’s a ghost?
Cauliflower!
Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?
Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.
My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...
lmao
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
Dad: What do you call a crazy creeper?
Mom: Shit, I don't know...
Kid: Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Dad: That's my boy's!!!
One orphan said, "Daddy, chill." I was like, "You don't have a dad!"
I gave up my seat to blind lady because she couldn't find any--let's just say I lost my job as a bus driver.
What's the difference between a nun and a prostitute taking a bath?
The nun has a soul full of hope...
Yo mama's like a fridge, she breaks down when she loses her cool.
What does a skeleton tile his roof with?
Shin-gles!
Incest.
When your genealogy chart is a straight line.
Roses are red, I need a broom, I just shit all over the bathroom.
Hey, dude man. I'm a dude man.
What kind of bike do women ride?
A menstrual cycle.
Your mom is so fat that she thought Eminem is a candy.
What do you call a pole dancer?
A stripper.
What jumps higher than a basketball player?
An emo kid, they never touch the ground.
Are you a dog because you're a fucking bitch?