Aed jokes

One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.

My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.

One time I was playing a bongo at a Chinese restaurant.

But they were competing against a Cuban restaurant and killed me.

One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.

And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.

And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.

Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.

I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.

You're so ugly that they faked a whole pandemic just so you can put on a mask to cover that ugly-ass face.

An orphan can’t ever play Grand Theft Auto V because he can’t get a wanted level.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

There's a new bird disease, it's called churpies.

It's a canariel disease, untweetable.

What is your favorite amendment? A rapper.

How do you get rid of a fat ghost? You exercise it.

When your mum went to the UK and wore a yellow jacket, everyone started yelling "Taxi! Taxi!"

Why can't the Ctrl key cross the road? Because it is an 8-lane highway.

What do a banana and shampoo have in common?

Ur mom.

Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.

What do you call a fat Chinese person that talks way too much? Panda Express.

What am I gonna do on the 5th anniversary of the Parkland shooting?

Shoot a load in you just like I shot those kids ;)

I once masturbated in the bathroom.

I was looking for something, for a little help.

Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.

I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.

Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.

Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?

He only took a day off.