Aed jokes

I just bought a book about lamps...

So I can do some light reading over the weekend.

A dwarf walks into a bar.

He asks for a shot of whiskey. The bartender gives him the 🥃, and it turns into a gallon of whiskey. The bartender sees this and takes it back, and it turns back into a shot of whiskey.

I remember last year all these bitches called me lame so I stopped the simping and pretended I was gay, now I think they're all fucking with me.

I'm an LGBTQ imposter got cut last year know I've made the roster and you may think I'm a monster. I'm just just tryna see some titties.

What's a depressed kid's least favorite game?

Cut the rope.

So, Stephen Hawking walked into a bar—oh, wait a minute! Rewind!

So, Stephen Hawking rolled into a bar......

What do you call a dick with three eyes?

Preston.

Mother got shot, damn.

Father got shot, damn.

Sister got shot, damn.

Brother got shot, damn.

Auntie running away with a shotgun!

Where do orphans go to get a happy meal?

Orph-Donald's.

Yo mama so stupid she studied for a COVID-19 test.

"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."

"No, not until their parents pick them up."

People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.

This isn't a joke, I repeat, this is not a joke. The plane in Lake Harriet is not in the lake. It is invisible because of the satellite pic, so there's no plane in Lake Harriet.

yo mama so stupid she climbed up a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

If you are a girl--you are allowed to read this.

Look down your shirt and spell attic.

Parents: Let's have a bonfire.

Me: Let's go to the orphanage.

Parents: To bring other children?

Me: No, to have the fire.

Parents: Won't they be missed?

Me: No, because there is nobody to miss them.

What is tall when it's young but short when it's old?

A candle or a pencil!

Why was the dog stealing shingles?

He wanted to be a woofer.

How do orphans have a family reunion?

They use a Ouija board.

Treon: I don't care about Vorkie.

Amber: You should, she could be a great person for the company.

Treon: We don't need another one, we got 100 people in here, no need. Now, Amber, please just go make yourself useful.

Amber: Fine!!!!!

I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.