Aed jokes
Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal party the balloon came out green.
So this blind man was walking down the street with his stick, right? And he walked past this fish market, he took a deep breath and said, "WWOAAH GOODMORNING LADIES!"
A farm full of cows were bombed, and only two survived. All of the udders died.
Do you know how to confuse Helen Keller?
Put her in a room and tell her to find the corner.
Woahhhhhhh, we’re halfway theeeere! WOAHHHHHHH OHHHH, Squidward on a chaIIIir!
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?
BaBOOM!
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
Why do orphans have an iPhone 10?
Because it doesn't have a joke button.
Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the water, the whales started singing "We are a family, even though you fatter than me."
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
Q: What do you call a chip that goes fast?
A: A rocket chip.
I tried to write the shortest joke ever, so I wrote a two-word joke, which was "Dwarf Shortage." It's just so I could pack more jokes into the show.
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
What do you call an orphan home alone?
A family reunion.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
What happens when you kick a boy in the balls?
THEY NUTS ARE IN PAIN.
Man: *behind the women* She's so ugly!
Woman: My back is not a voicemail, unless you're a coward and can only say it behind my back to my face.
Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.
Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.