Aed jokes
One day, Johnny told his dad that a girl in his class liked him. He thought she was cute. She said, "Aw, you're like candy!" He didn't say anything. He said, "Why don't you think I am sweet like candy?" Little Johnny said, "Well, sometimes I get a toothache, and it hurts, so I stop eating it, like I stopped liking you."
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
Q: Why do orphans get on Facebook?
A: Because they get liked.
What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?
An escort.
How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.
Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?
Went to see a psychic the other day.
I knocked on the door, and she said, "Who is it?"
So I turned around and left.
Why do orphans love baseball?
Because it gives them a home to run to.
What do you call California when it’s having a wildfire? Completely normal.
Why is the queen in chess the most powerful piece? Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
I was wearing a George Floyd t-shirt, and a person said to me: "That must be a bit tight round the neck."
I made this one up myself just now.
Stephen Hawking would be a good pilot because the aircraft would be the first to take off and land in autopilot.
Imagine being such a low life that you need people to roast you to have stuff to do.
Where do mermaids get a job?
At the kelp wanted station.
Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.
Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"
I hate it when couples get into a little fight and they change their Facebook status to "single." I have fights with my parents, but I don't change my Facebook status to "orphan."
TommyInnit is a joke.
Q: What do you get when the cow jumped over the barbed wire? A: Udder destruction!
My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.
A lot of the time he will take things for granite.
A lot of counter-offers were made.