Aed jokes
I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.
Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
Why is Donald Trump so mad? Because he is a Trumpet!
What do a Catholic priest and an Olympic silver medalist have in common? A: They both come in a little behind.
Why is a ball rolling when you put it on a hill?
Because it is circle.
What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*
Three men were lost in the desert and found a genie who granted each of them a wish.
The 1st man wished he was home with his family. The 2nd man wished he was home with his family, and the 3rd man wished they were all back together again.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
I saw a kid wearing tatty rags on a curb, so I asked, "Are you an orphan?"
"Yes," he replied. "What gave me away?" He asked, "Your parents," I said.
Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"
An anti-bullying PSA and speeding PSA from the same creator meet one another.
The death toll went sky high.
"Among Us" is basically a game about betrayal.
Got a PS5 for my little brother yesterday, best trade I'd ever done.
My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.
A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"
Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."