Aed jokes

What kind of tree can you High-Five?

A palm tree.

A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.

What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?

They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

I saw a kid crying and asked him where his parents were. He started crying harder.

The ungrateful brat. I see why he is an orphan.

If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.

If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.

Johnny, Johnny?

Yes, Papa.

Eating sugar?

Yes, Papa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach, and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you’re mad at me for eating a little sugar.

Smoking? Telling lies?

Yes, Papa, you do all of those things because you’re a chronic addict.

What did the weed say before he got on the escalator?

A project where people get lined up to be changed.

Dear doctor,

I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?

Yours Truly, Ray Palp

Why do orphans love Oreos?

Because when they have a family pack, they can eat it all!

I’m like an escalator; I always let people down.

What do a brand new house, me, and new jewelry box have in common?

We're all empty on the inside.

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

A hand job from a deaf person counts as oral.

I heard some twin brothers were going as buildings to the school costume contest, so I went as a plane. It didn't fly too well with people.

So an orphan played for a football team, and the coach said, "Your parents must be proud of you!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.

What does an orphan not have in common with a criminal?

Criminals are wanted.