Aed jokes

I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.

How do Chinese people name their babies?

They chuck a pan down the stairs.

Bully: You're a loser and fat.

Me: Shut up. The camera thought you were a house.

Hey, I never knew we had a planet in our body!

Why can't an orphan get a tattoo at a young age?

They don't have parent permission.

A strong woman.

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

"I met a girl and she's 28."

"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."

- AJR

Chrome turns you into chrome, but there is a chrome back bling, and it does nothing to you.

What's the smartest insect? A spelling bee!

I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."

Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.

I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

I wish I was a toe because I want to be banged all day.

"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"

"He died."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."

(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"

What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.

How to make white ice cream red... blend a baby into it!

I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."