Aed jokes

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.

How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?

Take a flute and shove it up your ass.

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

I have a phobia of over-engineered buildings.

It's a complex complex complex.

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.

What does a girl want more than anything in the world?

Nothing. She's fine.

Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.

Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."

If Al Gore started a math rock band, it should be called Algorhythm.

What's the difference between tuna, a piano and glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.

6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.

An Irish guy walks out of a bar....

I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I'll let you know.

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.