Aed jokes

Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?

A: My dad didn't beat cancer...

Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.

One hot day a cow wanted some shade.

He found a tree and started resting under it, but there was a chicken bothering him. The cow exclaimed, "Moooove!" The chicken didn't move. Again, "Moooove!" and still the chicken wouldn't move. The cow yelled, "MOOOOOVE!" The chicken turned around and said, "FUCKOFF."

I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not, he got nailed before he died!

Why did the penguin pull out a tooth? It was Mexican.

Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.

What do you call a bunch of Aboriginals rolling down a hill?

Abo-lanche.

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."

I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.

Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

What is a terrorist's DJ name?

Osama Spin Laden.

Dropping beats like the Twin Towers.

So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"

Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"

My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"

How does the Eskimo make a house of cards?

Igloos it.

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.

Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?

A: Lazy bones.