Aed jokes
My boyfriend entered a retarded contest, but they said no because they don’t allow perfectionists.
I asked my zombie boyfriend, "Does he have a brain?" Because he's stupid asf.
What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with flat armbands!
There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.
My friend made a joke about a dog. I said it was a "RUFF" joke.
A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail.
"Doctor, doctor!" He cries out.
"What is it?" The doctor asks.
"I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded.
". . . That's because I amputated your arms."
Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.
What's the difference between putting a baby and a pizza in an oven?
The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
What does America say?
A-marry-ca!
What do you call a retarded three legged doggo heckin pupper monster? A 1996 Dodge Neon with a broken tail light cover and 166,748.46 miles on the odometer.
It could use a tune up and it needs a new transmission soon. New rear tires and a new radiator. Test drives with cash in hand. HMU motivated seller. Don’t waste my time and no lowballs.
What do pigs and ink have in common?
They both go in a pen.
I hate these double standards.
If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
A man lost his left arm.
He's all right now.
Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
Sixteen Sodium particles walk into a bar, followed by Batman.
A knife is like hallucinations, both in your head.