Aed jokes
I was going to make a 9/11 joke, but I'm afraid it will crash and burn.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.
I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"
You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.
Why was it so hot in a square room? Because all the corners are 90 degrees.
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"
There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
What's fast and almost got away?
A Mexican jumping the border.
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
Why is calculus called calc? Because you need a calculator. Lol.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
What do you call a hot Mac Book Pro?
A Mac Daddy Pro.
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?
You poke it on.
You want a joke? My entire existence.
A whale went to the country Wales for vacation.
When it ended, what did he say? "I had a whale of a time!"
Why did the Mushroom get invited to so many parties?
He was a fungi!
What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."