Aed jokes
Q: Why did the family want to move out while the neighbors were playing tennis?
A: Because they were a racquet!
What did one skeleton say to the other?
Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"
Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)
Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."
Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"
Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?
Beets stain your teeth.
What’s the similarity between a penis and a lollipop?
Kids can take both.
What is a cow's favorite drink?
Mountain Moo!
This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.
Are you a nation leader or an email deleter?
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
Wait, isn't this Sans' job to make a joke?
You blow a kiss up.
Your eyes were bright up your ass.
I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!
Why did potassium draw a tear that would result in him crying?
Because all of his friends argon.
A man was forced off the Eiffel Tower, but he flew back up.
The executioners asked, "How'd you do that?"
He said, "I had magic chips. Here, take some."
They eat them, jump off, and die.
He asks for more chips, and the guy says, "You're a real a**hole when you're drunk, Superman!"
A girl and a boy were on a date. The boy kept farting. The girl asked, "What is wrong?!?". The boy replied, "Explosive diarrhea.". The girl said, "Ew".
The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. The center of the explosion, the bathroom.
What do you call a skinny black dick? A Tootsie Roll.
Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.
I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.
Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.
What do you call a dick that's too small to see?
Tick-tack dick.
One day, this dad and his son went to a basketball factory, and the son said, "I want to buy some balls." The dad said, "What for?" The son said, "So you can have some balls."
One day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead, I called his parents.
This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.
His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.
The guy left her, and the owner made her leave.