Aed jokes
New Teslas don't come with a new car smell; they come with an Elon Musk.
Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.
"I had a great day today." "Why?" "Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"
Two cows in a field.
One says to the other, "Mooooooo!"
The other says, "Tut, I was gonna say that!"
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.
Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!
Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.
Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?
A: Musical chairs.
Statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. But not me, I live next to a 10-year-old boy with a fat ass.
"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"
What did Sally get for her birthday? A football!
Only joking; she hasn't opened the box yet.
What is a fat boy's favorite karate move?
A pork chop.
What do you call a weak, beta, tall and dumb kid? A banana.
But if you're vegan, you call him food.
If you're poor, you eat the skin.
So my friend's birthday was coming up, so I got him a new box to live in.
Why did Sally get a black eye?
Because she tried to play patty cake.
I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.
What do you call an ice skating dwarf?
A midget spinner.
What did the skeleton play when he joined the band?
A tromBONE.
#1: What are you doing?
#2: Watching a movie.
#1: Oh, I know why, because you move-ie.
What do you call an Indian babysitter?
Nanny.