Aed jokes
A burrito walked off a building.
Is your refrigerator running? "Yeah, I guess." Well, you better go catch it! Haha, I'm a girl, it's funny!
A paraplegic walks into a bar...
It's funny because he can't walk.
There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.
What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.
I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn't have a home page.
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.
What do you call a person that guards a Samsung store?
A Guardian Of The Galaxy :)
Sans, you lazybones, get up and do something.
Sans: I am doing something.
Papyrus: Oh yeah, what?
Sans: Thinking up a skele-ton of jokes.
Papyrus: SANSSSsSsSsSssSsSSsSsSsSSsSSsSsSsS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will end you.
Sans: What, does someone not have a funny bone? Oh wait, do you have a bone to pick with me? I have 206.
So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"
He says, "What's it to ya?"
So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"
Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.
At my sample place, I handed my wife a fork and I lost my job.
Son - Dad, I've been expelled from school for having sex with a girl in my class.
Dad - Son, that's the 2nd school this year! Maybe teaching isn't for you!
What's black and white and red all over? A penguin that's just been raped.
What's worse than finding one dead baby in a bin? Finding one dead baby in five bins.
One time I ate a chair.
What do you call a chair with a hat?
I don't know; the real question is, why was the chair wearing a hat?
My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.
It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.
How many times can 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out.
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
Q: What do you do if you bump into a koala?
A: You koalagize to it.