Aed jokes

My mom walks in a bar and the bartender says "water?" saying "we only sell beer!"

What's a duck's favorite drug?

Cwack.

How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?

You rock-it!

I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.

Last night I had a dream of lead, but your mom won't let me tell you.

You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!

Where do you go if you lost a pencil?

Office Works! They have solved loads of pencil cases.

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

What did PETA say when a cheetah won 5 million dollars?

You can't beat a cheetah!

Q: What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?

A: The homepage.

So I was at the store and I saw a pretty woman, and I said, "Hi."

Quickly, she said, "I am not interested. I have a husband."

And when I saw the woman again, she said, "I need help."

I said, "No, call your husband!" KARMA. 😂😜

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"

A burrito walked off a building.

Is your refrigerator running? "Yeah, I guess." Well, you better go catch it! Haha, I'm a girl, it's funny!

A paraplegic walks into a bar...

It's funny because he can't walk.

There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.

What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.

I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn't have a home page.

A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.

So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.