Aed jokes
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
What do you call a smart person in America?
A tourist.
A priest, Kelly Clarkson, and Ian Watkins all walk into a bar... only for the bartender to exclaim, "We don't serve your kind around here!" Then he muttered in a low voice, "Fucking paedos."
What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
A piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh, Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"
The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
What do you call a group of Alabama superheroes?
The Incredibles.
What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina?
A yeast infection.
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
Teacher: How much is a gram?
Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.
What do you call a well endowed gay male who is also in a wheelchair?
Meals on wheels.
There is an Afghan Barbie; it’s a blow-up doll.
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.