Aed jokes
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.
Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?
Me: Where's your parents?
Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?
Me: Because it has a home button.
I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.
A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"
What do we want?!
A cure for Tourette's!!
When do we want it?!
Cunt!!!
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye deer!
What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?
Lil Teller.
I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.
What's a prostitute's favorite snack?
Skittles. They love to taste the rainbow.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.