Aed jokes
Q: What is the difference between a dead body and an orphan?
A: The dead body had a family.
What do you call a white duck?
A quacker.
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...
*World War 2 going on and then stops.*
Me: "I guess you would say it was a gory-ious battle."
Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.
The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.
In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!
I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldn’t remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said, “You’re about to become history.” I almost forgot that we weren’t supposed to have any lessons that day.
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”
The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"
Why don’t you have a pet cheetah?
There cheetah you.
Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.
The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.
The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"
What does a bird say when it gets sick?
I flu!
A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."
What do you call a cow that no one likes? The mooser.
Actor 1: "I'm Michael with a b and I hate insects."
Actor 2: "Where's the b?"
Actor 1: "THERE'S A BEE???????????!!!!!!!!!!!????????!!!!!"
What type of teacher doesn't fart in public?
A private tutor/tooter.
What is the difference between Princess Diana and my laptop?
When my laptop crashes, I give a s**t.
When a midget smokes weed, do they get high or medium?
Donald Trump is a good president and not a complete moron.
My favorite joke was: what's the difference between a teacher and a train?