Aed jokes
A: It’s very delicious! Great! Fantastic!
B: Thank you.
A: People don’t speak when they eat delicious foods!
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
Alright, I'm gonna make like a tree and leaf.
*****You have to leave right after you tell this joke.****
Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.
What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.
If a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
A man walks into a library.
Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"
Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"
Suicidal Man: ...
Librarian: ...
The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"
So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.
Is depression sadness or happiness? I call it a fun time.
Alicia was not a popular girl. None of the guys noticed her. Once she got a boyfriend, but then he cheated on her with Katy and said, "You're not sexy enough, Katy is much hotter."
So Alicia took a match, set herself on fire, and screamed, "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!"
And then she died.
What's the definition of rude?
Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.
All these females swear they loyal... but you can’t put loyalty on a hoe.
All real chemists know that alcohol is always a solution.
I did this chemistry joke yesterday, but I didn't get a reaction.
A wild Iceberg appears! Titanic uses ram! It is not very effective. (Titanic sinks.)
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
What is the difference between a pornstar and a mosquito?
No one stops sucking.
Say yes if you wanna fuck.
Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”
What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?
Dumb.
Why can’t an orphan hit a home run? Because he doesn’t have a home.
What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday?.... Christmas because everything is hanging.
What is Green and Red and goes round and round?
A frog in a blender.
(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?
One can support an average family.