Aed jokes
My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.
This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.
Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.
Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.
Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"
Knock knock.
Who's there? Discord server.
Discord server who?
This server is dead, bye bitches, I got better things to do than watch you sit here and type like a sloth.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Well, at least one gets picked.
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
Wanna hear a short joke? Well duh, I mean that's why you're on here... Well, here one...
My life.
What is the difference between a plane and a helicopter?
A plane hits a building, but a helicopter hits the floor.
What does NASA stand for?
Need a star A.S.A.P.!
What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.
Stop making jokes about cancer... I might sound like a Karen, but it’s not fair... My mum died of cancer last month, and still I cry nearly every night 🙏🏻
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂
What do you call a cow's facial hair?
A moostache.
Yo mama is so fat, she got locked in a weapon store, and she broke it down without any weapons.
Once upon a time, there was a poor man, a middle-class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said, "I found happiness through money and all of my assets." The middle-class man said, "I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household." The poor man said, "I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me."
And then the wall fell on them.
I made a house for orphans and...
they had no clue how to use it.
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)
I saw a little kid on their bike before. So I ran home to see if it was mine. Mine was still chained up, so we’re good.
How [does] a disabled kid face [the] Jalalas?
He can't run, just hug the bomb.