Advice jokes
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.
It’s like I always tell my kids:
"Two in the pink, one in the stink."
Remember kids, if you're in a big problem, yell SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEËEEEEEEEEĒEEEEĘEEEEEEEEESH!
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
A girl in the shop was getting bullied. She came to me saying, "I’m getting bullied." I told her, "Stand up for herself."
How to not exist: Kys.
I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.
If you got a crush and you are a 👧🏻 girl, let him lick 👅 your vagina.
What did the green grape say to the purple one?
"Calm down and take a breath."
What do you call a fat motivational speaker?
Four chin teller.
Keep yourself safe!
When Elsa said, "Let it go," you took it too seriously and let go of your hairline.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
What did the tree say to the depressed kid?
"Stop hanging around."
Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.
Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.
Don't listen.
Why did the doctor tell the man to go for a mountain walk?
Alps clear the mind! Haha.
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.
Son (in a happy tone): I know.
Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?
Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.