Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
I remember you. You used to be an ash.
I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.
Where do spiders seek health advice? WebMD.
Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.
Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!
He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"
People trying to stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”
Me: “WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!”
Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.
Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)
Top G advice: You’re either a smart fella or a fart smella.
What do you tell someone who has depression?
Answer: Just hang in there.
When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?
Run, bestie, run!
I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.
Don't believe what your school bully tells you.
Always take it with a grain of assault.
