Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.
Remember kids, if you're in a big problem, yell SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEËEEEEEEEEĒEEEEĘEEEEEEEEESH!
A girl in the shop was getting bullied. She came to me saying, "I’m getting bullied." I told her, "Stand up for herself."
Keep yourself safe!
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
Don't listen.
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.
Son (in a happy tone): I know.
Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?
Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Advice to the Clown telling all of the "Orphan Jokes":
If it's NOT "Funny", then DON'T POST IT!
Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.
I guess they're whore-ible.
What did the talking rope say to the man?
"Just hang in there."
why can orphans only watch G rated movies?
because they had no parental guidance.
Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?
Don't ever tell somebody depressed to try again.
If you're seeing this, this is your sign to go fuck yourself.
If you are homeless, get a home.
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him "go big or go home," and he only had one option.
Follow me if you need advice, or just follow me.
