Actuality jokes

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

One's actually picked.

Why do orphans play GTA?

'Cause they're actually wanted.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple actually got picked.

Just because you‘re suicidal, you don‘t have to be a quitter.

Wait, actually.

I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.

What's a Ninja's worst fear?

Garmadon actually winning.

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.

I’m a faux pa.

There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did and they ended up liking each other and getting married and living happily... wait, no, that’s not right.

Sammy actually snuck into Rayne’s house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.

Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...

Why is the white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?

Because the white guy actually did it.

Me: *posts random joke about a duck*

That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."

That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."

Bro it’s a joke...

TIL Ariana Grande is actually a pop singer.

I thought it was a fancy coffee for white supremacists.

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?

Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?

And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple actually gets picked.

Actually, it isn't a bear joke, but bear with me here...

I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.

*I was actually up all night watching.*

What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?

Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.

What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".