Actuality jokes

So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

Yo Mama is so stupid, she thought the football team Rams were actually the animal rams.

Actually, it isn't a bear joke, but bear with me here...

Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.

Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?

Someone turned off flight mode.

(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)

What's the difference between a bad joke and an actually bad joke?

An actually bad joke is not funny, like this one!

What's a Ninja's worst fear?

Garmadon actually winning.

Why was the clown sad?

He broke his funny bone. PS: "funny bone" is not actually a bone.

What's the difference between an orphan's parents and his boomerang?

One of them actually came back.

Why do orphans like to go to church?

Because they actually have a father there.

I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.

Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."

What is the difference between an orphan and a cat?

The cat is actually cute.

So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.

I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead because of you.

Actually, not because of you... because of your face.

Why should you fear white people in prison instead of the blacks?

Because you know that whites are in for actually committing something.

DEPRESSION SPEEDRUN starter-kit:

* Parental issues * Money problems * Genetic likeliness * Horrible friends * Annoying neighbors/classmates * School * Being alive * Actually being a good person for once * Giving a f#ck * War-ridden area * All future options kinda suck