What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?
Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.
My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."
Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.
I don't understand why people hate it when they hear a dad joke. They are actually pretty funny, and I will show you Y. (shows a picture of the letter Y)
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
Luigi and Daisy are actually Aussie! How?
They wear GREEN and GOLD! The Aussie Colors!
Why is an orphan's favorite game Monopoly?
Because they can actually buy a house.
I was given my electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me 'cause I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up, too.
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
What's the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?
A man will actually look for the golf ball.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a suicidal vest?
A suicidal vest actually works when triggered.
Why did the orphan become a criminal?
Because he wanted to actually be wanted.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
They actually come back.
When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.
Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!
One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.
Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"
Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."
Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
Puppies actually get picked.
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and his boomerang?
One of them actually came back.
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan?
The apples actually get picked.
Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?
Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.
Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.
5 minutes later
Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?
Teacher, the one sucking it?
Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.
