Actuality jokes

What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?

Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.

What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".

I don't understand why people hate it when they hear a dad joke. They are actually pretty funny, and I will show you Y. (shows a picture of the letter Y)

What's the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?

A man will actually look for the golf ball.

Luigi and Daisy are actually Aussie! How?

They wear GREEN and GOLD! The Aussie Colors!

Why did the orphan become a criminal?

Because he wanted to actually be wanted.

I was given my electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me 'cause I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up, too.

Why is an orphan's favorite game Monopoly?

Because they can actually buy a house.

A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.

Cashier: Is this your final purchase?

Customer: Actually, yes it is!

What’s the difference between a feminist and a suicidal vest?

A suicidal vest actually works when triggered.

What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?

In a dog pound, people actually want them.

Why do orphans like boomerangs?

They actually come back.

My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.

Why are orphans not allowed in stores?

Because else they would actually feel at home.

What's the difference between puppies and orphans?

Puppies actually get picked.

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.

Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!

Communism is actually kinda tight.

Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."

What's the difference between an orphan's parents and his boomerang?

One of them actually came back.