What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter?
A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets.
I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.
Communism is actually kinda tight.
My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."
Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
They actually come back.
I have returned. Anyways, what do you call it when you're actually in Panera Bread, being in Panera Bread?
What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can actually call home.
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Sodapop Curtis was actual soda.
What's the difference between friends and family?
One is actually real.
What is the difference between an orphan and a blanket?
One is actually used.
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and his boomerang?
One of them actually came back.
You wanna know the difference between a rake and your mom? The rake is actually useful.
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan?
The apples actually get picked.
How to make an orphan BLEED?
Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.
Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.
Step 3 - Tell them to kys.
Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.
I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.
What is the difference between an orphan and a cat?
The cat is actually cute.
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
I'm actually against abortion.
Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!
