Accident

Accident Jokes

Steamroller

One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.

I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.

Hunter

I’m about to tell you the funniest joke I heard:

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The operator then hears the problem and says, “Well, let’s make sure he’s dead.” A shot is then heard. The other guy says, “Ok, now what?”

Did you laugh?

Bone

I was falling down the stairs at my local clock tower.

I somehow broke more than 206. I broke 342!

Momma

Your momma is so fat that when she egged the Twin Towers, she threw a airplane on accident.

Back

I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.

But I can break yours today, hopefully.

Screw

"Ouch!"

"What's wrong?"

"I stepped on a screw."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"

Tree

Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.

Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.

Tree

Who's the closest family member to Paul Walker?

Answer: The tree.

Condom

Hondo's dad and mum went up the hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a Hondo.

Mom

Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.

Hospital

Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.

Titanic

What did the Titanic say as it sank?

I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!

Twin

What did one twin say to the other?

"Watch out for the plane!"

Head

What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?

His head and shoulders.

Height

Why did I trip over your foot?

Because you were so short I couldn’t see you!

Friend

I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.