I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"
My sister was at Sixth Street and someone stepped on her toes and she bled, so she called the police! XD
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.
Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A bomb.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.
After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie.
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.
A guy crashed his Ford SUV. He couldn't escape.
Why did the boy get run over?
Sally was driving.
Q: Why did the vegetable cross the road?
A: 'Cause someone let go of the handle bars.
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.
Why did Shelley fall off the swing? She had no arms.
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
