New Accident Jokes - Page 29 - Worst Jokes Ever

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

What's similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her?

They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's going to kill me!"

How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?

He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.

There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.

The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"

I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.

I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."

Teacher: Where were you born?

Student: The highway.

Teacher: What do you mean?

Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.

My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.

So this one time I saw Sally trying to get up after she fell off the swing, and I helped her up and she said "Thank you," and I said, "You're welcome." The next day I saw her legs and someone said, "I would not do that," and I said, "Whatever." I tapped Sally, and the top halve fell. I said, "WHAT HAPPENED TO SALLY?" And someone said she went in a minefield.

What do gum and guns have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.

Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?

They've been rear-ended too many times.

My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...

He fell from a tower.

What do you call the worst joke ever?

Well, according to my mom, I am.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

What is burned dark and glued to the wall?

A bad electrician.

A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.

When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.

A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.

The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.

There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"