Accident jokes
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?
Everywhere.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
Why did Paul Walker die? Because he crashed a car into a tree.
I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? The Wall was their last big hit.
When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.
They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?
My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!
They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"
What was the last thing to go through Princess Diana’s head before she died?
The steering wheel.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children.
What is stronger than family?
The tree Paul Walker hit.