New Accident Jokes - Page 22 - Worst Jokes Ever

Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.

I'd tell you a Kobe joke.

But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.

Me dozing off while driving.

Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.

Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.

One time my boyfriend and I were playing the tickle game and I tickled him on his thighs by accident, and I said, "Oh no, I am dead."

Then he started tickling me on my thighs up to my vagina, and then I moaned while laughing and told him, "STOP, please."

Then he said, "That's what I thought," and I was like, you cheated. He was like, "You first did it."

So he went to the restroom and pulled down his pants. Then I jumped on him and pulled his dick five times, and he screamed, and I quickly ran out and laughed. Then he ran to me, and I screamed, and he started eating my pussy and fingering me while I said, "Okay, okay, stop."

And he stopped and started sucking my boobs and giving me hickeys while I said, "Please stop," and then I pushed him off, and he turned me around and put his dick in my hole, and I said, "Owwwwwwww."

Then he said, "Play with me, I'll fuck you up."

I said, "Ughh," and slapped him.

So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out, "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?"

What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?

You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.

What’s got 4 wheels, does a barrel roll, and goes from green to red in seconds?

Kermit in a car crash.

You get paper cuts on each eye and walk off a cliff.

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.

"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.

"Denise."

"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"

"Tom Junior."

My ex died in an anchorage accident.

She always was a sleeping hooker.

When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.

I would make a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.

Q. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?

A. A seatbelt.