Accident jokes
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? The Wall was their last big hit.
When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.
They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?
My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!
They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"
What was the last thing to go through Princess Diana’s head before she died?
The steering wheel.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children.
What is stronger than family?
The tree Paul Walker hit.
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?
She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.
What does a school bus crash and a train crash have in common?
They always line up.
Jack and Jill went up a hill. His condom ripped, and now they are from Alabama.
Why did the little boy get hit by a car?
Answer: Because Sally was driving!
What is it called when someone is in a wheelchair and in a fire?
Hot Wheels...