Abuse jokes

What's the difference between drugs and kids?

I don't sell drugs.

A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”

The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.

“It’s really not your day, is it?”

How many times can 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out.

Two pedophiles talking to each other:

"Do you got two fives for one ten?"

What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.

They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:

Thou shalt not f... altar boys.

What are the differences between a preschool and a pedophile's basement? Little kids leave preschool.

It's not pedophilia, it's early access.

Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.

What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?

A Catholic priest.

Johnny Depp fans claim to support their god because they sympathize with male victims of sexual assault. Yet a large chunk of them cheer on Wacko Jacko raping little boys, calling it "innocent".

It's not rape if you're both crying.

What do you get when you cross a road with a stalker?

Raped.

I got raped by my therapist... now I know where the name comes from!

A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”

What is different about priests and acne?

Acne waits until you're 13 to cum on your face.

I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.

Once I went to watch a match in Portugal. It was between Penaldo and his kids. The referee was Georgiana (his wife). Mpaypal and Igayspeed were also there. The match began, and his kids scored two goals in the first 10 minutes. Then, when the match was about to end, Penaldo got angry and asked his wife for penalties. His wife declined, and he tortured and beat her up and took 10 penalties (missed 7 of them) but won 3-2. Shame on you, Penaldo! 😡😡😡

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you've told her twice.

You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?