Worst Jokes Ever

"Room, you on."

Why was the orphan so successful?

When the options were either go big or go home, he only had one option :(

As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...

How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.

Why shouldn't you make fun of burn victims?

Because they've already been roasted!

You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...

Why do cemeteries have fences?

Because people are dying to be there.

I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?

Yo mama is such a slut, she could get slapped by a pack of hot dogs and get pregnant.

My boss told me I have a preoccupation with vengeance... We'll see about that!

Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,

So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"

I wrote a book called "Endless Love."

It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book.

I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown.

But the punch line is too long.

What would Bill Cosby be if he was white?

Innocent.

How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"

How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"