My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.
Christopher's Mom said, "One man's trash is another man's treasure."
Turns out Christopher was adopted.
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?
What has four legs and one arm? A doberman at the playground.
Hillary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected into office.
Sorry, it was supposed to say "Female," but the "emale" got deleted.
Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.
I told the emo girl that I bet she's jealous of the hanging lights in the gym.
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?
When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.
What part of the vegetable is the hardest to eat? The wheelchair.
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
