Worst Jokes Ever
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
Yo mama so fat, she curves space and time.
How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What is Jesus' favorite band?
Nine Inch Nails.
Why are Americans so bad at Chess?
They're missing two towers.
Why are New Yorkers so good at reading?
Some of them went through 100 stories in 10 seconds.
What is Jesus' favorite gun?
A nail gun.
What did the mermaid wear for math class?
Algaebra.
How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?
Call her on the phone.
Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.
Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spied her!
What is the name of the bear capital?
Koala Lumpur.
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.
Lettuce pray.
What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?
A pap smear.
I was going to join the debating team.
... but someone talked me out of it.
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?
Why was the computer late to work?
Because it had a hard drive!