Worst Jokes Ever
What are Michael Jackson's pronouns?
He, he.
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?
A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.
Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.
What does Michael Jackson say when he stubs his toe?
Ow!
How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(
How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(
How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jack undressed, and she pulled up her dress so they could have some fun. But stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Hardest part about being a paedophile?
Fitting in.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.
Why is the USA bad at Clash Royale? 'Cause they already lost two towers.
A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"
What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*
What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?
They both have no way home!
Why are Germans so good at cleaning?
They have experience in ethnic cleansing.