Worst Jokes Ever
The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.
Stop hating on pedos. At least they drive slow in school zones.
Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven. Oh, wait... nevermind...
So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.
When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...
Kenny's favorite part of living in his mom's basement is sleeping with the landlady.
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
Why couldn't Helen Keller eat her Big Mac?
She was too busy trying to read the sesame seeds.
Humanity.
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
The fridge don't fart when you take your meat out.
"You look like you've lost some weight."
"Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found it, pal!"
What's Michael Jackson's favorite hobby?
Nothing because he's dead.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.
Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
"Excuse me, you're in my sun (son)."
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
There was once a man from Peru. Who fell asleep in a canoe. While dreaming of Venus, He played with his penis, And awoke with a hand full of goo.
It's better to cum in the sink than to sink in the cum.
You're so ugly you make gay/lesbian people straight!
If you are a girl--you are allowed to read this.
Look down your shirt and spell attic.