I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
Worst Jokes Ever
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?
If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.
She was eaten by a giant crab.
I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
