Worst Jokes Ever
I wish my grass was emo, then it would cut itself.
What did the mountain say to the helicopter? Kobee.
Foxy the fox was a careless fox. She didn't care about her friend Froggy.
Froggy was a careful frog. One day, Froggy decided to teach the fox a lesson.
Foxy was in her bed sleeping when Froggy made her room an entire mess. She got up, and then her mother berated her for not cleaning her room. From now on, she is a careful fox.
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
Caesar salad, Jack and Jill, little Johnny Koala,
Zebra, monkey, vegetables, bus, baa, bus.
What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?
He became spotless!!!
I got sent out of a library for putting a women's rights book in the fiction section.
Why is he sooo dam fineee?
So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.
When rejected:
That's ok, the 3 other little pigs said no, too.
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
Help me...
I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.
What do you call people who have an Oedipus complex?
Motherfuckers.
Hellen Keller walked into a bar... then a table... then a chair.
What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.
What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.
I would name my dog "Five Miles" so I could say I walk five miles every day, but today I ran over Five Miles.
WOULD YOU RATHER:
Eat 20 lbs of cow s**t?
or
Drink a gallon of sperm?
Why were the Twin Towers upset? They ordered Domino's but got jets.
A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.
A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.
BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.
NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)