Worst Jokes Ever

If only Karen Carpenter had eaten Mama Cass's sandwich...

The nearest approximation to a perpetuum mobile would be a Swabian chasing a Scot because of money.

(Swabians are the Scots of Germany regarding finances.)

What do you call a person with no arms?

Armless.

You

You

You're the cow.

How do you get 100 dead babies into a tub? Put them in the blender.

How do you get them out of the tub? Give mexicans tortilla chips and tell them theres salsa in the tub.

Uranus spins on its side.

Why did the mushroom get a new house?

Because there wasn’t mushroom!

Society: :-)

I: :')

Society: you're doing it WRONG. It's :-) not :')

I: :'D

Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"

What do you call a black person swimming?

Cursed Minecraft image.

My dustbin's absolutely full of toadstools!

How do you know it's full?

Because there's not mushroom inside.

Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...

I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.

Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.

A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."

A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."

<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*

Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."

What do you call a cow who walks on two legs?

Lean beef.

I wish I could tell you about my penis, but it's too short.

What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts.

What is black and blue and really hates sex?

The six-year-old in my basement.

Three friends were stuck in the desert. They were struggling and trying to find food when they found a magical lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie, and the genie says, "Each of you friends get to have one wish." So the first friend said, "I wish to go home," same as the second one. The third friend said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were with me!"

Why is the iPhone X best for orphans?

There is no home button.

Wish jokers.