Worst Jokes Ever

"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.

(Later)

"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"

My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.

Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination".

I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.

Chuck Norris can drift with a horse.

I would try to stop rapists, but force would be an option for it.

I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂

My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.

So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”

I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

They both leave children's rooms with an empty sack.

What did Michael Jackson say when Anne got hurt?

"♫ ANNIE, ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU OKAY, ANNIE? ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY. BUT JUST TELL US, THAT YOU'RE OKAY. ♫"

I used to keep asking a woman if I can rape her until she got so annoyed and said, "Stop asking me."

What's in common with Michael Jackson and a phone?

Kids play with both of them.

"what's that on your wrist?"

"I'm a cutting board. duh"

What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?

Criminals are wanted.

What is an emo's least favorite game? Fruit Ninja.

Where do feminists go when they die? "Hell's Kitchen."

Do you know Imagine Dragons? Imagine dragon these nuts across your face!

What do you call a ruptured Chinese man?

One Hung Lo.

If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?