Worst Jokes Ever

I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.

But no one would do it.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

Yo mama is so fat, it took Nationwide 15 years to get on her side.

Why did Susie fall off the swing?

Because she didn't have any arms.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Susie.

RIP Stephen Hawking who was buried today... he did always love black holes.

I guess you could say Stephen Hawking is a dead meme.

What do you call a disabled Asian?

Sum Ting Wong.

You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.

Women's rights.

How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.

Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*

Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?

Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~

So, Duracell batteries do run out.

Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.

Stephen Hawking just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?

His name rhymes with walking and talking, but he can’t do either.

A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler, but missed. Then Adolf replied, "Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!"

Stephen Hawking's death was purely accidental. He clicked “shut-down” instead of “sleep”.

It sucks that Stephen Hawking died so soon, the new Intel update just came out.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.