Worst Jokes Ever

I’m happy to be with my EA when I go to school.

Q: What did Jesus say when he got nailed to the cross?

A: Owwww!!!!!

Are butt cheeks one word, or should I spread them apart?

You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.

What did one male whale say to the other male whale?

"She's gonna blow!"

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.

When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."

When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."

Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?

Because she loves raisin' kids.

What do chickens play in the pool? Marco Polo.

They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.

What has two legs but can’t walk? Pants 👖

Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"

The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"

What falls and never gets hurt? Snow.

Leprechauns are stupid. No joke.

Are you a toaster?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the side that he was not on.

High school is amazing. Like if you agree!

Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."

You a cunt.

What do you call a nosy pepper?

Jalapeno.

What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!

What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!

What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!

Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.

Aaron: Why?

Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.